Marvolo-usϟ

Month

October 2010

DAY THIRTY NINE: zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality

zodiac sign- virgo.

element- earth. (i like the water more.)

your planet- mercury. (i dont mind that thats my planet.)

symbol- the virgin. (true. true. true.)

life pursuit- do the right thing. (true. true. true.)

vibration- passionate and caring. (true. true. true.)

secret desire- to love and be loved in return. (thats all i want.)

description- when a virgo shines, there is practically no shine to match their inner light. a virgo is a treat to meet. when a virgo is confident in themselves, that is when they are most successful. they are in the “service of others” and may take jobs ranging from welfare work, doctoring, teaching, or practicing natural forms of healing like massages. one of the most magical characteristics of the virgo is no matter how many times life or romance turns sour on them, they still manage to maintain faith in others, refusing to become cynical. there is ingenuity around this sign, a kind-heartedness, which unfortunately is sometimes played upon by others for their advantage. virgos can often become victims of relationship power-games, where they are mistreated.virgos are givers and when the chips are down and you need a friend, the one available during those testing times when you need advice or companionship the most, is likely to be a virgo. virgos understand human frailties better than most, because they are so deep and reflective themselves. with a virgo in your life you have someone who understands and cares and any romance or friendship based upon these qualities is certain to be mutually rewarding.

(most of this is true, i really do love taking care of other people and i want to be a teacher. and its true that when i  shine, i feel beautiful and like no one can bring me down and that everyone has to smile and shine with me. and ive been played before, but no matter what, i am never giving up on love. i am very kind hearted, which is sometimes stepped on by other people. and the most true thing, I AM ALWAYS HERE WHEN A FREIND NEEDS ME.)

Oct 30, 2010
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Oct 30, 2010
Oct 29, 2010
Oct 28, 2010
venting.... again.

i dont know if any of it is worth it anymore.

for two nights now, i have cried until it literally hurt to cry anymore. i dont know what to do with my sister anymore, or my moms emotional rampages, or my dads harsh words to my mother, or my mind spinning around and around in my head… i cant keep control of it. it just keeps swirling and spinning and eventually its going to crash, and im gonna break down. and i dont know if this, this daily routine of going on like everything is okay, is worth it.

i think i need help.

but the truth is, i dont get help because i know we cant pay for it. even anxiety meds… we cant pay for those, and i feel like they would really help with my anxiety. but, since both my mom and sister are already on lots of meds and they get really expensive, i tell my mom i dont need them that much.

but now, im kind of thinking i do need them that much, because i just cant have this all in my head and my heart everyday. and i cant keep living my life with this feeling like everything around me is going to come crashing down if i dont try to keep it all up.

i think i need help.

Oct 28, 2010
Oct 28, 20103,283 notes

so i had a bad day, until dance, and then it got bad again.

so her i am, venting.

i need some balance in my life, someone or something i know is always going to be there for me, especially when i need someone to cry to or to hold on to when im breaking down. and i know the the Lord is here with me now, but i need someone here physically, so that i can just know that someone on this earth is here for me. i dont know what to do anymore… i try so hard all the time, and its just not working out.

and that relationship status i saw on facebook didnt really help my day much either. and those pictures, and those messages…. and i wonder if that couldve been us, and i wonder if that would have been a good idea or not, and i wonder if maybe you actually love her… but i dont think i really want to know that. but i still wonder.

what ifs are always the hardest thoughts to ponder.

what if he wasnt an ass?

what if i stayed with him all this time?

what if i didnt stop him?

what if my family was noraml?

what if my sister went away?

what if my mom wasnt so depressed?

what if my dad never left?

what if my parents where still together?

what if i didnt have to grow up when i was in elementary school?

would i still be who i am today?

Oct 27, 2010
Oct 27, 20101,093 notes
Oct 26, 2010
Oct 25, 2010

just two more people added to the list of people who have used me…

God, help me in this.

Oct 25, 2010
Oct 25, 2010
Oct 25, 2010
Oct 25, 2010

i lived in your chess game but you changed the rules every day…

Oct 25, 2010
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